working mama blues

So I've come to the conclusion that being a working mom is the pits.  I'm sitting on my bed right now with my laptop bag on hubby's side, with papers strewn everywhere, with a pen, a pencil and my gradebook open.  And I'm writing a blog.  Ha.  And all I want to do right now is go to bed.

Really, though. I'm struggling.  I want to know how other moms who don't want to work handle the range of emotions I'm feeling on a daily basis.  I want to high five and give an award to the single moms out there who are hard working and doing everything they can and need to do to take good care of their children.  I know, I know- I work part time, and so I have it made right?  Well, in some ways, yes. I know I am very lucky to have the schedule I have.  But it doesn't make the lump in my throat when I drop my baby off at day care any smaller.  And it doesn't make the tears stop coming down on my drive to work from day care, lump still in throat.  And when I get home, the papers unfortunately don't grade themselves, nor do the lessons get planned by the lesson planning fairy.  Sigh.  Just give me this one, okay?  It's been a tough day.

I know there are lots of moms out there who want to work.  They love what they do, and they could never stay home full time.  I get that.  Staying home full time is also really hard work, and there are definitely tough days where I think, "I'm glad today is a day care day!" for a fleeting second.  But most days right now, I'm not happy leaving her. It feels wrong somehow.  I think the main problem I'm having is that leaving her goes against all my natural instincts as a mother.  How can I wear my baby if she's not with me?  How can I nurse on demand?  I feel like I'm not providing her with the most basic of her needs- access to her mother.  But here I am, working part time as a teacher, taking care of other people's children (and they are wonderful, which is another reason I am grateful for my job, and probably the only reason I haven't already thrown in the towel), and missing my girl like crazy.

So how do you moms do it?  Does it get easier?  Harder?  I'm already dreading picking her up at day care to be told she had a first and I missed it.  Man, here comes that lump in my throat.  Gotta get back to those papers...

Teething, saying NO and other fun stuff

My little sparkler has learned how to say no.  She shakes her head, pretty hard too, in response to a number of things.  Tonight, she said no to carrots.  She puts it in her mouth, sucks it for a second, shakes no, and spits it out.  I'm not ready for my baby to know how to say no!

We're working on tooth number three right now.  Over the weekend, we had left her Baltic amber teething necklace at day care, and we had  rough weekend for sure.  I'm pretty amazed at the difference in her when she does and doesn't wear the necklace.  I was a bit skeptical at first when buying it, but we were desperate and would have tried anything at that point.  I am a big believer now, and I highly recommend one, especially if you want to avoid giving your baby any medication for teething.  This in combination with the Hyland's Homeopathic Teething Tablets and Gum-Omile Oil have been a lifesaver.  Before we discovered all these remedies, E was waking up every 1-1.5 hrs crying in pain, and the few times we did give her tylenol or motrin, it didn't help at all.  It was rough.  I highly recommend these products!

I'm also going to become a doula.  And a certified herbalist.  More on that to come later :)