It's my first blog post!

This is my first attempt at a blog. I've been wanting to do this for a while, mostly as a place where I can compile interesting information about breast feeding, parenting, baby wearing,  home birth, etc, that I want to have access to in one place (and can share easily).  But I also want to reach out to other new moms who might feel isolated or alone in the very hard world of parenting a new baby, especially a sparkler.

My girl is a sparkler, I learned today.  I read this post:

http://attachmentparenting.org/blog/2010/09/22/is-he-a-good-baby/

Nobody has ever asked me if E is a good baby.  But I do get asked all the time, "How's she sleeping?"  Why is that the default question?  It seems to be the only question people tend to ask, and people ask it from the start.  In fact, it got so bad that when people ask how she's doing in general, I now always respond with something to do with sleep.  As if that's the only thing that occurs in the life of a baby.  She's sleeping pretty good these days in general, with a few really hard days here and there.  But it was a long road to get here!  Still though, if I had a do over, I would worry a lot less about sleep.  I would have invested in a really good sling to wear her in all day with access to nursing whenever she wanted.  I think she needed to be held more, even though it felt like I did hold her most of the day, and she slept on my chest for about the first month of her life.  I'll definitely do things a little differently with the next baby.

I think what most makes my girl a sparkler though is her cry.  She doesn't really cry I guess.  She screams.  And sometimes, no matter what I do, she's going to keep screaming until she's good and ready to stop.  It has on many occasions made me feel like a bad parent.  I must be doing something wrong for my baby to cry like THAT.  Even when I wear her, or rock her, or try to nurse her, she will push me away.  I have felt that isolation and rejection the mother in the post linked above talks about.  I think that's why that post spoke to me so much.

I wonder how many other moms out there have felt that way but were afraid to tell someone how they felt.  I've sometimes been afraid to be honest for fear of being judged, but I've decided it's too important not to share. It might help another new mom tremendously to know she's not alone.  Anyone else feel this way sometimes?